We Can Never Go Home
by TunelessLyric
Summary: Oneshot-song fic about Loghain and Fem Amell. It's a tragedy and I feel bad for having dreamed it up. Blasted brain. I almost cried while writing. Please reveiw when you are finished reading. Some language, a bit of suggestive material, only in passing.


_This idea has been swirling through my mind for, oh God, must be about a month or so now. I had to write this out. Another Loghain fic, but what can I say? I'm a sucker for enigmas. Particularly since reading Stolen Throne. The second readthrough is a bit depressing. So, rambling part of my note done, This is a stab at a song fic which I've been itching to try. Hope you all like this because I'm pretty pleased with how this turned out myself._

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><p><strong>No Sound But the Wind<strong>

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><p>We can never go home<br>We no longer have one  
>I'll help you carry the load<br>I'll carry you in my arms  
>The kiss of the snow<br>The crescent moon above us  
>Our blood is cold<br>And we're alone  
>But I'm alone with you<p>

She feels the salty streams flowing down her face, collecting under her chin. She slowly lays him at her feet, fighting the urge to bury her face and sob into his cooling hair again. She also fights the urge to throw herself off the top of the fort, to Join him and Riordan. She does so because that would be an insult to them and all they had done. She slowly walks away, leaving the shell of the man she loved behind. Like she did a few weeks ago. Except _he_ is still alive. _He_ is still safe.

She doesn't say a word to the others with her. They say nothing to her either, which is just fine. She stomps through the burning city, away from the archdemon and the tatters of her life. She tells herself she can start over. _Again._

Help me to carry the fire  
>We will keep it alight together<br>Help me to carry the fire  
>It will light our way forever<p>

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><p>A month later, her life has emptied. Wynne and Shale had left for Tevinter, Sten returned to Seheron, Oghren got married, Lelianna and Zevran left on adventures of their own, Morrigan disappeared and wasn't seen again. <em>He<em> is dead and _he_ is King. All she has left is the Keep, the Wardens and her dog. She throws herself into training. That is all that matters now.

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><p>She kept the letter to read. Putting it off as long as she could, pretending if she didn't read his farewell, he was still alive, somewhere in the world. When she reads it finally, she feels stupid for having held off for so long. The letter was beautiful and just like him. She carries it with her to her death.<p>

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><p>She saw the look in his eyes as he spat out his thoughts. She recoiled as though he slapped her with a heavy gauntleted hand as he turns his back on her. She felt the traitor's gaze fall on her, keen with interest. Now, she feels alone, even though she is surrounded by the Landsmeet.<p>

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><p>His eyes rolled back into his head as he keeled over. Riordan assured her the man would survive the taint. He would be her Brother. Was Alistair right? What was she doing?<p>

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><p>They make camp and she sets her tent where Alistair's should be. No one else should use that spot. It was hers since she spent so many wonderful nights in that spot. In that tent. In those arms. Looking into those eyes.<p>

She hears a throat being cleared behind her.

She quietly and effectively states that he cost her Alistair. She blames him for her heartache

The indignant look in his eyes means he expected less anger. After almost three weeks, he thought they were making progress. He simply stated he knew she hated him. He hated himself is surprised by this.

If I say shut your eyes  
>If I say look away<br>Bury your face in my shoulder  
>Think of a birthday<br>The things you hurt in your hands  
>They will stay here forever<br>Our blood is cold  
>And we're alone, love<br>But I'm alone with you

She is surprised by many things in the following days. He felt bad for her, losing her love as he once did. Losing her family as he once did. Throwing herself into her duty as he did many times. They are very alike, she tries to fight what she inevitably comes to feel for this Warden. They become very close. Too close, as Wynne cautions.

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><p>Riordan tells them together about the sacrifice necessary to defeat the Blight. He asserts he would be the one to finish it if Riordan should fail. She pleads with him for a long time, far into the night. He does not relent. He says it was why he Joined and he would never allow her to die if he could prevent it.<p>

He says Anora would be better off without him in her life to screw up anything else she might care about. That comment makes her furious. How could he abandon his only family she yells. He flinches, but stubbornly refuses to let her lay down her life for his own sake

Help me to carry the fire  
>We will keep it alight together<br>Help me to carry the fire  
>It will light our way forever<p>

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><p>The whole Maker damned march she begs him not to do it. He still holds fast to his resolve. She kisses him fiercely to make him think about what he could be throwing away, reminding him of their feelings for each other. Tears shine in his eyes as she pulls away finally, but he only says that he will act as he must.<p>

Help me to carry the fire  
>We will keep it alight together<br>Help me to carry the fire  
>It will light up our way forever<p>

* * *

><p>When they face the Blighted archdemon, his tears spill over. They flow throughout the Maker forsaken battle. He is wounded, but she is there, healing him and keeping him safe. That only makes him weep more freely.<p>

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><p>When the sodding bastardized God falls, she is sobbing. She is at his shoulder, holding his hand as though she will never let him go. He looks into her blue, blue eyes and pulls her into his arms. He swears he never meant to hurt her this much. She believes him.<p>

He kisses her gently then pulls away from her grasp. He takes a painful step away from his life.

She yells his name, it sounds like music from her lips, he thinks. She falls to her knees at his feet and stares up at him, tears flowing and eyes shiny with grief. She begs him not to go where she cannot follow him.

He says he never would leave her. He swears he will never leave her. He thanks her for making him feel good about himself again. He carefully picks her up and kisses her again.

She puts her hands into his hair and their tears mingle on his breastplate.

Her eyes are still closed when he pulls away. Before he goes, he pushes something into her hands. When she opens her eyes again, he is throwing his weight onto his sword, pushing it through the thick skull.

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><p>If I say shut your eyes<br>If I say shut your eyes  
>Bury me in surprise<br>When I say shut your eyes  
>Eyes oh, ohh, ohh ohh ohh ohh<p>

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><p>The blast knocks her off her feet. She picks herself up and sprints to him. She catches him in her arms as he falls limply. He breathes three quiet words she strains to hear. She tells him she will one day, Join him. Then he is dead in her arms. Eyes blank as his tears continue to fall.<p>

Help me to carry the fire  
>We will keep it alight together<br>Help me carry the fire  
>It will light our way forever<p>

She looks at the gift in her hands, a small sheet with his writing on it. It is a letter, addressed to her, the paper heavy and carrying the familiar rosy scent. She buries her face in his shoulder and screams with aching and grief. She can never go home.


End file.
